Noted nihilist philosopher Eugene Thacker, explaining the metaphorical nature of “mists” within horror, writes, “The mist in these types of stories is not only itself vaguely material and formless, but in many cases its origin and aims remain utterly unknown to the human beings that are its victims.”
So, instead of attempting break down all the strange facets of GameStopGate, let’s just simplify things by way of philosophic horror pessimism: A formless, vaguely material meme entity has descended upon Wall Street by way of the hell dimension, Reddit, and is currently devouring hedge fund managers for fun and profit.
This mist derives its power from inflating GameStop stocks and screwing over the billionaire wealth firms that bet against it for years, but its appetite has grown insatiable, and it expanded its reach to include companies like AMC and BlackBerry. Now, it’s come for Dogecoin and Frankie Muniz.
Dogecoin, we are now forcing you to recall, is one of those dumbass joke cryptocurrencies, in this case referencing that “Doge” meme from a while back. Some people still use it, apparently, but all the recent meme economics chatter now has people thinking it’d be really ironic (or something) to invest in the useless, ephemeral digital money. Multiple outlets are now reporting that the price of a single Dogecoin has risen over 142% overnight. And Frankie Muniz is on board.
Muniz, we are now also forcing you to recall, is a former child actor star of Malcolm in the Middle turned race car driver turned olive oil entrepreneur turned surreal, horny Twitter user. This morning, he tweeted his love for Dogecoin, indicating that he, too, is aware of the current r/WallStreetBets ridiculousness, and is possibly hoping to cash in on the weird, pseudo-critique of stock market capitalism.
Unfortunately, we regret to inform him that the aforementioned 142% value hike is still worth less than dogeshit: a single Dogecoin is currently equivalent to about $0.012 USD.
Such free markets. Much wow.
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